Have you ever thought about going on a solo road trip only to tell yourself, “I could never do that” and drop the idea? I’ve heard too many people–men and women, although mostly women–say that they would LOVE to go on a solo road trip… if only they could. When people say “I can’t do that,” what they often mean is, “I’m afraid to do that.” Having responsibilities that prevent you from leaving home for a week at a time is one thing. But limiting yourself out of fear is quite another.

This post is part of my series on Road Trip “Mindsetting” and tackles five things that might be holding you back from taking a solo road trip. Don’t let these five fears stop you from planning and having your best road trip, or living your best life.

1. You think road trips are too dangerous

One of the main arguments I often hear against going on a solo road trip–especially for women–is that solo road trips are inherently dangerous. After all, if you’re by yourself on the road, something could happen and you could be hurt or taken advantage of.

I’m not going to say this isn’t true. And while it’s also true that you’re statistically more likely to die in a car accident than in other forms of travel such as by air, it’s also true that you’re 100% guaranteed to live a boring life and die a bored person if you never do anything because it’s too dangerous. Driving to New Orleans to see the French Quarter for the first time in your life may have some risks, but so does driving to the grocery store. Are you never going to leave your house again because it’s safer to stay inside?

Be brave. The rewards are great.

I refuse to automatically assume that I will be a victim in my life. Going on a solo road trip might carry some risk, but it’s also exhilarating, empowering, freeing. And here’s the thing: if things go wrong when you’re by yourself, you’ll handle it. In fact, the more times I’ve had to take care of things by myself, the more confident I become that I’ll be able to handle whatever life throws at me–and the less time I spend worrying about things going wrong in the future. I’m able to trust that things will work out.

Obviously be smart and prepare yourself for what might happen out on the open road, but don’t avoid living your best life out of fear. You’re capable of so much more than you think you are.

Ready to get started building your bravery?

– How to Be Braver in your Everyday Life – Lifehacker.com 
– How to Be Brave, According to 8 Insanely Courageous Women – RealSimple.com
– “Bravery” by Todd Boss

2. You struggle with codependency–regardless of whether or not you’re in a relationship

I once had a conversation with someone who said that he couldn’t wait to be in a relationship because then he’d “have someone to travel with.” He really wanted to travel, you see, but he couldn’t yet because he was single. So in the meantime, he would just sit at home and wait to live the life he wanted until he had someone to live it with.

It’s an easy belief trap to fall into. We’re brought up being spoon-fed stories that we’ll fall in love someday and then we’ll be happy, or we’ll have a “partner-in-crime” and then we’ll never have to be alone. We scroll through social media and see other people who seem to do everything with their significant others or their children. And so it’s easier to look outside ourselves for fulfillment than to face that gaping wound inside telling us something is missing in our lives–because it’s easier to blame others for our problems. It’s easier to believe that we don’t have to change because we’re waiting for someone else to come along or someone else to get their act together. The problem couldn’t possibly be us, it’s them. It’s the relationship… or the lack thereof.

Don’t rely on others for your own happiness.

The dark side of these belief traps is that they require an excessive reliance on others for a sense of identity. I spent part of my twenties “needing” someone to do things with, someone into whose face I could look and see my own experiences and happiness reflected. Simply enjoying myself wasn’t enough. Being happy by myself seemed impossible.

If you’re the kind of person who can’t imagine going on a solo road trip because you can’t imagine enjoying something on your own, remind yourself that there will come a time in your life where you will have to be alone. Maybe you’ll get a divorce. Maybe you will meet your “one true love” but he or she will tragically pass away. Maybe your kids will move to Canada. You can’t live your whole life dependent on other people to bring you a sense of identity, because there will come a day you look in the mirror and you won’t know who you are. Isn’t it better to begin that discovery process now?

Need to tackle codependent behaviors that are stopping you from living your best life? 

– Symptoms of Codependency – PsychCentral.com
– Four Steps to Break the Shackles of Codependency – Recovery.org
– Marriage Counseling Q&A: Can I Stop Being Codependent and Stay in My Relationship? – MariaDroste.org

3. You don’t want to be alone with your own thoughts for days on end

Does the thought of being locked in a car by yourself bring a sense of dread? You’re not alone–it’s been proven that some people would prefer to be electrocuted than to be alone with their own thoughts:

In the most, ahem, shocking study, subjects were wired up and given the chance to shock themselves during the thinking period if they desired. They’d all had a chance to try out the device to see how painful it was. And yet, even among those who said they would pay money not to feel the shock again, a quarter of the women and two thirds of the men gave themselves a zap when left with their own thoughts. (One outlier pressed the button 190 times in the 15 minutes.)

To be honest, being alone for days on end was what I was most dreading when I was preparing to take my first week-long solo road trip. I was afraid I’d get bored with no one to talk to, or I’d have to think about things I don’t want to think about. I’ve spent a lot of time in my life keeping myself busy and distracted so I don’t have to think about things–at one point in my life, I’d come home after work, make dinner, turn on Netflix and grab my phone so I could eat, “watch” Netflix, and play Candy Crush all at the same time, switching occasionally to Facebook to see what everyone else I knew was doing. Talk about not wanting to be alone with my own thoughts!

It’s not bad to be alone with your thoughts, if you can let yourself do it.

Here’s the thing, though: not thinking about things because they’re difficult or scary doesn’t make those difficult or scary things go away. They’re still there, they just aren’t being addressed.

Secondly, when I did finally go on my solo road trip, I was surprised by how much I enjoyed the alone time once I relaxed into it. If I wanted to think about things, I could think about them. If I didn’t (see above), I could do WHATEVER I WANTED. I could listen to a podcast, or an audiobook, or music… or nothing but the wind through the open window. I could call someone if I wanted to (I didn’t). I could stop at whatever exit I wanted, and I could eat whatever or whenever I wanted.

It wasn’t long before I figured out that by being alone for the first time in my life, I could finally hear my own thoughts without hating them. The thoughts came and they passed and they weren’t painful. I learned to recognize meditative states as they started, which is what driving very often turns into for me. Asking myself what I wanted to do in the moment helped me learn how to ask what I wanted in my life–it brought clarity to my thoughts and feelings around myself, my work, and my relationships.

Need some help with being alone with your thoughts or meditation?

– How to Enjoy Being Alone with Your Thoughts – Greater Good Center at Berkeley
– Alone with Your Thoughts – Experience Life
– Meditation 101: Techniques, Benefits, and a Beginner’s How-To

4. You’re afraid of what other people will think

Let’s face it: going on a solo road trip isn’t something people frequently do. Maybe you’re worried other people will think you’re weird, or selfish, or a loner. While I initially started planning my first solo road trip, some part of me was worried that others would judge me for “not having any friends” to go along with me… or worse, what if they pitied me for it? Shudder.

But here’s the thing: the reason I went on a solo road trip was because I didn’t invite anyone to go along. I had several people after the fact say they would have loved to have joined me if I had invited them. But I didn’t, because I didn’t want them to. I chose to go on that adventure by myself. And I’m not going to spend too much time worrying about whether or not someone else judges me or mistakenly pities me for making that choice, because if they do, they’re not worth it.

In the end I got nothing but positive responses when I shared my stories and pictures from my trip with my friends, family, and coworkers. They said I was brave, they said I was interesting, they said I was seizing the day. No one judged me (at least to my face). I had one person tell me that he hoped his daughter grew up to be like me. Can you think of a better response than that?

Need help letting go of your fear of judgment? In the words of Steve Jobs in his 2005 commencement speech at Stanford University:

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

Watch Steve Job’s speech here (the portion about living your own life startes at 11:54):

Need more inspiration? Check out my post on when other people just don’t get it, which includes some of the S*** People Say when you plan a solo road trip:

 

5. You think it’s selfish to go on a road trip by yourself.

Depending on your personal situation, this might be the real thing holding you back–especially if you have children or other family responsibilities. As a non-parent, I often watch my friends who have children struggle with how much of themselves they have to abandon or give up in order to consider themselves “good” parents, and I unfortunately can’t offer much in terms of advice for this.

All I can say is that self-care isn’t the same as self-indulgence, especially if you have the means to make sure your responsibilities are taken care of while you’re away. I returned from my first  solo trip completely refreshed and re-energized for my life. I was filled with gratitude for the people I love, and I brought that energy back for my own friends and family.

Happiness causes ripples. Doing things that make you happy–as long as you’re not doing them at the expense of others–is never selfish.

Thanks for reading! Are there any other things holding you back from taking a solo road trip? – Lindsay