When Other People Just Don’t Get It
One thing I hadn’t contended with when I set off down the path of solo road tripping and camping in my car was how much I would have to deal with other people’s feelings about what I was doing. I figured that once I finally figured out what I wanted to do, my life would be unicorns and roses as I skipped past a cheering crowd into the sunset.
Naively, I hadn’t realized that pursuing your dreams is more of a trudge than a skip, and most of the crowd would actually be booing me–AND that most of those booing me would be doing it from a place of love and concern. It’s easy to say, “Follow your heart,” but what do you do when people you love and respect absolutely don’t love and respect the things your heart is telling you to do?
This post is all about how to deal with other people’s feelings about what you’re doing with you life, whether that’s solo road tripping or something else that other people just don’t “get.”
Dealing With Other People’s Criticisms
I’ll admit it, camping in your car by yourself as a woman is not a “normal” thing to do. I hadn’t realized, however, that being “not normal” would illicit such a strong reaction in the people around me! For example, when one of my coworkers found out about my plan to convert my Honda Civic to a camper, she immediately assumed I was having a mental breakdown, even going so far as to ask me, “How are your life choices working out?”
It’s hard to hear that kind of message and not internalize it to some degree. In many ways, my life would be so much easier if I were the type of person who wanted the “standard American dream”–but that’s not what I want. At one point, I was on that path, and I felt stifled and trapped and hopeless about my future. I want a life that’s interesting and adventurous and creative. And if someone else isn’t also pursuing an interesting, adventurous, creative life, I’m can’t put that much stock in their opinions of what I’m choosing to do–because their values don’t align with mine, so of course their opinions don’t align with mine. I turn to Brené Brown (an amazing Houstonian doing amazing things you should look up right now): “If you aren’t in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.”
So what do you do when you’re faced with this type of criticism? You ignore it. Don’t let it sway you. Remind yourself that other people will not be on your deathbed looking back on your life. Stand by your personal values.
Dealing With Other People’s Fears
Not all negative responses are coming from a negative place. For example, when I first started talking about going on solo road trips and camping in my car, here’s the response I overwhelmingly received:
This obviously came from a place of love and concern, but that didn’t make it any easier to deal with. Most people I talked to about my plans had an immediate response of anxiety on my behalf. They wanted to make sure I had thought through all of the possible dangers associated with my plans–so they immediately responded with a slew of negative feedback about what I was doing. They just didn’t get it. They didn’t get the appeal. They didn’t get why I would take the risk of traveling by myself. They didn’t get that I’d rather be in a tiny bit of danger than live a long boring (and bored) life.
I’m pretty independent, but here’s the thing: when everyone in your life is convinced you’re making a terrible mistake, you’re bound to start questioning yourself as well. So you have to have a firm understanding of who you are and what you want from your life. If I had listened to the people around me, I never would have converted my car into a camper, and I never would have hit the road by myself. I’d be living the safe “normal” life everyone else would be more comfortable with. But I decided to choose my own courage over their comfort. In the words of Brené Brown (who I adore and who you should look up right now), “You can choose courage or you can choose comfort. You cannot have both.” Don’t you want to choose courage? I know I do.
So how do you deal with other people’s fears? Listen to their concerns, and decide for yourself how much validity they have. Consider their advice. (I’m not saying to take their advice if it doesn’t work for you–for example, I’ll never get a gun just to go sleep in my car in a camping ground, because I am fundamentally opposed to the idea of taking another human being’s life.) Be kind, thank them for loving you, and then live your Best Life.
Find Your Tribe
Finally, the best way that I have found to balance out those people who “don’t get it” is to find people who do. Join Meetups, find people with similar interests online. Embrace people who embrace you. As an example, you could always follow me on Instagram if you want to join in the conversation with a bunch of other on-the-road adventurers! 🙂
What other advice do you have for people who are struggling with others not understanding when they live their best life? Leave me a comment below! – Lindsay
